How long does it take for a birth parent to find their child?

How many years do most people search for their child? I have been searching for my son who was born on September 8, 1985 now for 4 years. I just started searching for my son born on May 26, 1989. I have waited until they turned 18 yrs. before I started searching. I see how many mothers are out there searching. I have also noticed how many girls are searching. What do you do if your child isn’t searching? My brother has never searched for his birth parents and he is 42. Is the desire for girls more then boys? I’m not really sure of any of these answers, but would like to know. I would like to know that they are ok and happy. How do you find a child who is not searching?

Do you resent being adopted?

I never resented being adopted. I have great loving parents. I do resent my heritage and medical history wasn’t there for me growing up. I do wish I had a picture of my birth father. I have always felt that my parents who raised me will always be my parents. I also believe that if my son’s ever search for me that I won’t try to replace their parents who raised them. I would like to be their friend. I wish I had the guts to call my birth father and talk to him more. Ok by now your probable wonder why I haven’t mention my birth mom much. I spoke to her for many months. At the time on meeting her she back out. Ok maybe she was scared. I’m not really sure. Haven’t spoken since. I also didn’t like how she down graded my parents. My parents have been there for me threw thick and thin. She did many lies to my birth father when I was born. I think that’s why I’m nervous about calling him. I also don’t want to interfere in his life now. Please feel free to leave your opinions and comments. Like to know how other feel about being adopted.

My children up for adoption

At the time I put my children up for adoption. I wrote their new parents a letter. Not sure if really they really read or not. They where also given a gift. My son who was born on May 26, 1989, I painted a piggy bank for him. The letter entailed information like. Please raise him like your own child. I love him and know that I’m doing the right thing for him in my situation. On my first son I wasn’t able to give medical information except the basic on me. But on my next son I wrote my medical information down for him. I’m hoping this information help them. To this day I still have pictures of my boys and will always feel the emptiness for them. I pray that they had good parents who loved them very much. If the day comes that I get to meet them. I will be thankful and a friend to them. I’m an honest person and sometimes too much. I will be open and honest to them. My first son, his father would really like to get to know him. We are still friends and always will be.

Searching for your heritage

The reason I started my search for my birth parents did not know my heritage. I don’t understand why they didn’t give it to my parents at the time of adoption. When I turned 18, I was allowed to request the information from the agency. I’m hoping they passed the information to my children’s parents when they where adopted. There is a lost that I carried for many years not know this information. I hope my son’s are not going threw it. I have done web searches for them. So far, I can’t find them. I have done many posts on the internet at different sights. The one I like best is G’s Adoption Registry @ http://www.aci.net/schaefer/page60.html Anytime I have searched for my son by his birth date. My post on this sight has shown ever time I google my son’s birth date.
I have notice when doing my searches and reading what people have wrote. A lot don’t really know where to start. To find my birth parents I start at the adoption agency. When my birth mom opens her file the agency called me. With my son who was born on 9-8-85 I wrote the agency and up dated his file. This wasn’t easy since the agency was closed. I ended up finding out where the files moved to. With many calls to Florida I finally tracked down the office. I also registered with Florida Adoption Reunion (FARR). It’s important for birth mothers to keep updating there files. This helps the children find them easier. My other son who was born on 5-26-89 is harder for me to update since I went threw a lawyer and I’m have no information on the lawyer or him. I am filling out the paper work for Florida Adoption Reunion (FARR). I’m also doing different posts on websites for both of them.

Are you Prepared???

Are you prepared for putting up a child for adoption? No one really asks you that question when you’re thinking about putting up a child for adoption. The time before you are release from the hospital now you get to fill out all the paper work for your child. You get to give him/her a name. Give any medical information, nationality, and any information important to help their parents. Being adopted I had very little information to pass to his new parents. I received my information 11-11-85 almost 2 months after my son was born. I received all the non-identifying information that was contained in my file. I learned at this time a lot of information I need to pass onto my son. I was able to pass my medical information to him.
I know spending time with him in the hospital made it easier on me. To this day I still have photos. I named him after his father & a good friend who helped me out along the way. His name ended up being Johnnie Christopher Clexton. Here is a picture of me and him in the hospital.

Why Adoption?

Why do parents put their children up for adopt? Would love to hear people’s reasons why? My birth mom told me that she didn’t want to raise me in a bad home. Her father was an alcoholic. I’m not on speaking terms with her now, but when I spoke to her she said my birth father was a good guy. She told me his name and where I could find him. The only think I can’t understand is why she lied to him about me. She put me up threw a Catholic Agency in Mich. When I spoke to my birth father he told me that my birth mother said I was a boy with black hair. I found out at this time my birth mom lied to him big time. Being a girl with blonde hair, I can understand why my father never found me. My birth father and his sister searched for me for many years. I have only spoken too him once. He seamed like a very nice guy. Not really sure why the adoption agency didn’t tell my birth father anything, or even if he checked there.
The reason I put my son up for adoption because I was losing my hearing and being 18yrs. old. I new I couldn’t provide a good home for him. My parents where not young and I didn’t think it was fair for them to raise him. We have many family members that where adopted in my family. My parents adopted me and my brother.
I went threw a Catholic adoption agency. This is a long wait for parents to adopt. It could take up to 10 years of the agency watching them. When my son was born the hospital couldn’t release him to his parents because I wasn’t able to leave the hospital because my bladder quit working. I spent time in the hospital with him. I know I put a fear into his parents that I would change my mind. I knew I was doing the right thing for my son. He needed a good life and I couldn’t provide him one. I hope he will understand this. During my pregnancy I learned to read lips and sign language. About a month after he was born I almost lost full hearing. At the time of pregnancy, I didn’t know it could fix. I have weak eardrums and water was retained behind them cause the hear lost.
I also had another son born on May 26, 1989. I will go into why later.
Adoption is a great thing to help people become parents or parents who just want more children. But nobody really tells the birth mother what she will be going threw many years down the road. My birth mother told me that she didn’t have any more children because she felt guilty of putting me up for adoption. Not really sure if it is true or not. I know I felt a lost all these years. I do have three boys that would like to meet their brothers one day. I have never kept it a secret about my other boys to any one. I know it’s helped telling others, but the emptiness has never gone away. I would never want to find them and try to replace their parents. Just be a friend and know they are doing well would be ok with me.

Best of both Worlds of Adoption

My first world: I was adopted at birth, and was lucky to have great parents. When growing there where sometimes I really didn’t understand. Like going to the doctors and my parents not knowing anything about my family medical history. Another thing that really bugged me was not know my nationality. These are reason why I started my search on my birthparents. I was lucky. I wrote the adoption agency in Michigan when I turned 18 yrs. old. Around the time I turned 26 Michigan ran a news story about parents opening their files for children to find them. My birth mother opened her file and the agency called me. I spoke to my birth mom first. It took me a few years to get up the courage to call my birth father. I didn’t want to interfere in either of their lives just wanted to know my medical and nationality. They both where great about answering questions for me. I did receive a picture of my birth mother. May be someday, I will get to see my birthfather.
My second world: On September 8, 1985, I put my son up for adoption. I was 18 years old and my hearing was going. My parents and I thought it would be hard for me to raise a child with learning to deal with my hearing lost. I was able to bless another family with a son. I’m hoping he was raise in a good home like I was. Maybe one day he will search for me and I will be there to answer questions for him also.